Mice

It's harvest time, and my house backs on to a big field. Every year at this time, the farmer cuts his crop and the mices flee and invade my loft.

I caught 13 mice in 13 days last year in traps. And they kept coming. I switched to poison in the end, as I couldn't keep up with the little ba$tards. The building became a mouse mausoleum

Sometimes the traps would break their spines, but the mice would keep going from the waist up, like rodent paraplegics. So I would give them to Stenchbreath to finish off. Cruel, I know, but I really hate mice.

My poor old Stenchbreath, completely blind from cataracts and mostly deaf. She's still full of life but when she can't see a tennis ball 2 inches from her nose, I fear her mouse catching days are over.

Some people suggest humane traps. What is the point? I could release the mice in the countryside, but they'll just run straight back into the nearest house. I'd just be creating a problem for someone else.

Mice are a$$holes, they are your enemy. Don't be crying over them.

Maybe I could trap them and take them to my local snake or owl sanctuary.

I can hear them scrambling about in the loft now. Noisy little feckers. I bet they are fecking and breeding.

The worst mices I ever saw when I was fruit picking in Murchison/Tatura in Northern Victoria. You never seen mices like orchard mice. Balls of steel. As soon as the lights went out in the TV room they were running up and down my legs and over my arms. No fear. There were too many to trap so they bred like,well, rabbits. I killed a few with a shoe.

I hate mice.

And don't say get a cat.