Saturday, October 10, 2009

The dog warden

I had a big doberman-type dog running about my property and I rang the council again and again but they never arrived. I just kept getting an answer machine. Luckily, I work as a medical anaesthetist and I happen to be working from home at the moment. I tempted the doberman with chicken fajitas until I got him into my anaesthetic booth, whereupon I turned on the laughing gas.

The dog was laughing and laughing so much he couldn't bite me, every time he opened his mouth he'd guffaw like Muttley. So I got my helium canisters and quickly filled up about 300 balloons and tied them to his body. He floated up in the air and away over my property.

Just then, the dog warden arrived, and at the same moment the drugs wore off and I realised it wasn't a doberman at all, it was my kid brother Ray. He wasn't laughing, he was trying to call for help.

I knew I wouldn't be able to explain this to my mum and dad so I drugged the dog warden and tied helium balloons to him too and set him afloat. I did the same to my mum and dad, and anyone else who comes to my property, like postmen or canvassers.

It's been over 3 years now and I reckon I've set drugged about 40 people and set them off afloat into the skies.

The easiest one was a little kid about 10 who was selling chocolate for the scouts. He only took about 40 balloons.

The hardest one was Fraser Gehrig, he doesn't like fajitas and he wouldn't take the gas too well so I got him drunk and then gassed him. Took maybe 400 balloons.

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