Sunday, November 30, 2008

What on earth is on Radio 5 at the moment?

7.00pm, Sunday night.

Some show called 'The Big Ask' which purports to answer life's big questions in that jokey, blokey, sub-Top Gear style that Radio 5 is becoming infamous for.

The controllers shut down the Radio 5 weekly investigative documentary last year, which often broke stories rather than reflected on them - surely something a genuine NEWS radio channel should aspire to.

It's been replaced by this tripe, yet another 'sideways' look at the hot topic of the day. It's pretty much a news version of Fighting Talk, itself very much a curate's egg, with the emphasis on the bad parts.

Of course, they can't persuade any decent comedians to turn up at 7.00pm on a Sunday night, so they have to rely on some coves who can barely string a recognizable sentence together, let alone an amusing one.

In short, it's crap.

Friday, November 28, 2008


I have finished my Systems Analysis project. I finished it last night at 3.00am.

I still have no idea what Systems Analysis is. Never have I written such nonsensical rubbish. By the end I was cutting and pasting direct from websites.

But I'm glad I stuck it out. I had considered dropping out of the course and hiding under the bed on Monday. When the 'flight or fight' instinct overwhelms me, my body still cries 'flight.' I did take the first three days off this week to finish the damn thing. But I finished it.

Thanks to some things I worked out with a cognitive behaviour therapist last year, I am a bit better at handling things. It all goes back to my childhood. Everything goes back to your childhood in cognitive behaviour therapy.

A couple of years back I would have left the course and never returned. I am learning.

Now I just have to master Java and VB. That might incur another does stress, as my next assigments will be due in the coming weeks for both these subjects.

Maybe flight is the answer. I should get on a plane to Australia and become a jackaroo.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Things I have done rather than my systems analysis assignment since Saturday

1. Beat myself black and blue for not doing my assignment x 200

2. Check Facebook x 100

3. Check forums x 100

4. Check emails x 50

5. Make cup of tea x 30

6. Walk dog x 5

7. Eat Apples x 5

8. Self Abuse x 4

9. Sleep x 4

10. Weep silently x 3

I am not loving this at all. How can I motivate myself to something I can't convince myself is remotely important?

Why am I studying computer programming? Why does computer programming involve systems analysis?

It's time to get off the pot. I am going to look for a job. I don't want to be a mature student. I need a job and some money.

On a brighter note, my bike has't had any more punctures, but then I've hardly used it since I repaired it.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Oh and I ate two apples - again unnamed, but they were so sweet and delicious they must have been ROYAL GALA - the high overlord of the apple dominion

I have my own apple cam at

If anyone wants to see me eating an apple LIVE AND UNINTERRUPTED drop me a line and we can arrange APPLECAM.

I'll be eating at least one apple every night on live streaming video, complete with sound.

*******warning: potentially disgusting video - do not watch if you like/dislike apples, moustaches or you are about to have your tea***********

Friday, November 21, 2008


I had Lasagna and wedges for tea. Then I had a plum, from the Co-op and some Co-op Fair Trade 85% cocoa dark chocolate. It was all good, none bad.

Jobs I have done

This is not for my CV. I am attending a CV masterclass next week. I will leave this stuff out.

Lifting 10kg blocks of cheese off a pallet & checking them for mould. If they weren't mouldy they went to Japan, if they were mouldy they got sold to Aussies. The really mouldy ones got melted down & turned into cheese slices. The Japanese got the premium cheese, because they spent the most money at the cheese auction. But it wasn't any better than the rest - it just had no mould.

Tracing people who had skipped their address & left debts. I don't mind normal debt collection but for this job we had to ring their friends and neighbours and try and dupe them into giving us yer man's details. I hated it, it was underhand and sneaky. "Hi I'm looking for Bob, it's an old friend of his, would you happen to have his new address...?" I'm a terrible liar. It made me squirm in my seat.

Normal debt collection is OK. You are in control of the conversation. They owe you, or rather the multinational company you work for, so you hold all the cards.

Moving sardines from a freezer container onto a pallet. They weren't packaged, they were frozen inside a 10kg block of ice. I got sacked for talking! After one day! And the sardines were for cats!

Being a substitute primary school teacher, some days, some classes, some awful schools. Some days were great.

In Brisbane in 40C temperatures in a hole lifting a jackhammer sideways trying to knock out formwork errors for that evildoer Willy from Donegal, the double crosser. Workin 10 hour days, carrying big roasting steel poles around, working with caudices et furciferss. And not getting paid properly. That was the worst.

I've done loads of other jobs. Can't decide which was best. Working for Social Security in Castlecourt was good crack. Big up to da SSA krew.

Oh, and when I worked in a bar I was amazed at the amount of places people had hidden their boke in. In corners, down the back of the stage....but the worst was when they levered up the bench seats and puked in beneath. Lovely. I had to put a bin bag over my hand like a giant marigold glove and lift it out. The smell made me throw up too. When they puked in the sinks and blocked them up, that was rancid. Nearly put me off alcohol......nearly

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Norn Ireland/Rep of Ireland

Neither Ireland team covered themselves in glory. Northern Ireland were beaten 0-2 by Hungary and in a frantic finish the ROI were beaten 2-3 by Poland.

It's not a view that many of my Norn Iron brethren share, but I'd like to see an All Ireland football team. My provisos are that all home games are played in a new lovely stadium in Belfast, and we should have a few Northerners in the team.I don't think you'd need a quota system, there should be several there on merit.

It would be interesting to see how the Mexicans viewed such an arrangement. But, since Dublin has all the big GAA and Rugby internationals, shouldn't Belfast have some of the action?

BENT! CARSON! TERRY! oh dear oh dear oh dear. Still England did well.

I ate steak and wedges for tea. Am tired after football. It was a good game.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Glass in Tyre

I found big bit of glass in my tyre. Pulled it out like a thorn from a dog's foot. I hope that solves the problem.

Now I just have to put the chain and wheel back on.

I did some work on Systems Analysis project today. It doesn't have to be in till next Wednesday, so I'm not always totally last minute.

Playing football tomorrow. 5 a side. Go me.

Had braised steak and rataoullie from a can tonight. Sublime. Ate a fuji apple.

Monday, November 17, 2008


I keep getting punctures in my rear bicycle tyre. I had no punctures for weeks then 3 in 3 days. Is this sabotage or just ill luck?

One more and I'm buying a new inner tube.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Hit lampost

Was walking down Main Street there, spied a couple of electric guitars in the window of the O2 phone shop across the way. Peered closely and realised they were cardboard cutouts. Why so? I mused. No explanation was included, but I supposed that even in this day & age an electric guitar is still the symbol of freedom & rebellion, our new technologies havn't created their own symbol to rival the relatively low-tech Fender Strato..........

CLUNK! walked straight into a lampost!

That'll teach me to absent-mindedly deconstruct modern marketing techniques whilst promenading on my big ole hooves.

Anyway, how yous all doing? Nice sunday lunch? I had loin of pork.

Then I went to gym. It was after that I walked into the lampost.

I got 4 numbers up in the Lottery last night. Really, you'd think the fickle finger of fate could have gone the whole hog and given me the last two. I'm not a bad person. I recycle. Still, there's £100 I wouldn't have had. I do spent a lot on the lottery.

I just ate a hot smoked pepper mackerel, and then another hot smoked peppered mackerel. They were good. I shouldn't have eaten the cold loin of pork afterwards. Didn't feel right.

Just ate a Sharon fruit for the first time ever. I recommend it. It's not much to look at, but the flesh is delicate and sweet. Not a load of juice, which is a selling point, because who wants a load of juice running down your chin? It's ok if you're a child raiding an orchard, but for us adults there's smart shirts & upholstery to be kept clean.

Looks like a yellow beefsteak tomato, you can grab a punnet of them in ALDI.

Here, while we're on the subject - what's the difference between a clementine and a mandarin?

Got a bit of Planxty, Flook, Mary Bergin and all that going on the Lastfm jukebox.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

StenchBreath gets a treat

Stenchbreath Gets a Treat


Today I went to my Java programming class. It was hard but not too hard. Then we found that our classroom was double booked so we were sent home. I went to the gym for half and hour and swam 8 lengths. I swam breastroke and a bit of fast crawl.

I went to the bike shop and bought a light for my bike. Then when I was cycling home I heard a strange noise from the rear of the vehicle. I thought my brakes were scraping on the wheels so I stopped. But the noise continued. I realised I had a puncture. The air was squealing out of the tyre.

I have mended the puncture but I'm not sure if my pump is working. It seems to be letting out air through the valve.

More news as we get it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hi blog!

Just listening to radio 4. Have just handed in my first java assignment. Well, yesterday. Have a youtube account now. Here is a vid.