Jobs I have done

This is not for my CV. I am attending a CV masterclass next week. I will leave this stuff out.

Lifting 10kg blocks of cheese off a pallet & checking them for mould. If they weren't mouldy they went to Japan, if they were mouldy they got sold to Aussies. The really mouldy ones got melted down & turned into cheese slices. The Japanese got the premium cheese, because they spent the most money at the cheese auction. But it wasn't any better than the rest - it just had no mould.

Tracing people who had skipped their address & left debts. I don't mind normal debt collection but for this job we had to ring their friends and neighbours and try and dupe them into giving us yer man's details. I hated it, it was underhand and sneaky. "Hi I'm looking for Bob, it's an old friend of his, would you happen to have his new address...?" I'm a terrible liar. It made me squirm in my seat.

Normal debt collection is OK. You are in control of the conversation. They owe you, or rather the multinational company you work for, so you hold all the cards.

Moving sardines from a freezer container onto a pallet. They weren't packaged, they were frozen inside a 10kg block of ice. I got sacked for talking! After one day! And the sardines were for cats!

Being a substitute primary school teacher, some days, some classes, some awful schools. Some days were great.

In Brisbane in 40C temperatures in a hole lifting a jackhammer sideways trying to knock out formwork errors for that evildoer Willy from Donegal, the double crosser. Workin 10 hour days, carrying big roasting steel poles around, working with caudices et furciferss. And not getting paid properly. That was the worst.

I've done loads of other jobs. Can't decide which was best. Working for Social Security in Castlecourt was good crack. Big up to da SSA krew.

Oh, and when I worked in a bar I was amazed at the amount of places people had hidden their boke in. In corners, down the back of the stage....but the worst was when they levered up the bench seats and puked in beneath. Lovely. I had to put a bin bag over my hand like a giant marigold glove and lift it out. The smell made me throw up too. When they puked in the sinks and blocked them up, that was rancid. Nearly put me off alcohol......nearly