I met a bearded Greek guy up near the Flagship Centre.
He was on a bicycle.He asked me if there were any good hotels in the area.
I personally took him round all the hotels in Bangor but they were full. So I told him he could stay at my house. I gave him my spare room.
He was slightly irritating and humourless but this was no excuse for what happened next.
Reader, I murdered him.
I got up in the early dawn and bashed him over the head with a hammer, then smothered him with the pillow.
Seeing no way out of the resulting crime-based dilemma, I went out to the garage and hanged myself with spare boot laces which I knotted together. From the rafters. I was weeping as I died.
As you can imagine, I awoke full of the joys of summer.
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